Active Listening

Active listening is a way of listening to and interacting with another person that improves interpersonal understanding. Rather than listening with one ear, while watching and thinking about something else, active listening requires the listener to give the speaker his or her complete attention. The listener then repeats in his or her own words what the speaker just said. This assures the speaker that the person listening has really paid attention and has understood. The listener does not have to agree with the speaker—he or she only needs to understand what the other person believes or feels. Only after this is done should the listener explain what he or she thinks or feels.

Active listening improves communication in several ways. First, it allows the immediate correction of misunderstandings. Second, it tends to open people up, encouraging them to tell more. If two people are in conflict, the tendency is for each one to contradict or deny what the other person says. This tends to make people defensive, and they either become aggressive or withdraw. They do not continue to talk openly if they are attacked for doing so. If, however, they feel like someone is really listening with open ears and an open mind, they are likely to explain more about how they feel and why. This often reveals information about underlying interests and needs that allows the conflict to be resolved.
Consider the following scenario:

Child:	I don't want to do my homework. It's dumb!
Parent:	No, it's not. It's important that you learn math so that you can do well in school and get into a good college.
Child:	I don't care how I do in school. I hate school! Leave me alone!