In addition to controlling their own anger, parties to
conflict can often behave in ways that limit their opponents' anger as well. One
widely taught technique is the use of "I-messages" rather than "you-messages" to
express dissatisfaction with another. I-messages explain one's own feelings: "I
feel insecure when I don't know what is going to happen next." In contrast,
you-messages are accusatory: "You never tell me what's going on!" By putting
blame on the other, you-messages encourage anger and self-defensive responses.
I-messages encourage empathy and joint problem solving.
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