Response to Anger

Perhaps the most important rule of effective anger management is understanding that people always have a choice about how they will respond to an anger-provoking situation. Even when anger is completely justified, as when a child is killed or a person is treated in an abhorrent way, the angry respondent has a choice of retaliating (which usually makes matters worse) or expressing anger in a way that is more likely to lead to a constructive response. Retaliation usually feeds the conflict spiral, increasing the intensity of the anger on both sides and leading to a continued and worsening conflict. In international situations, this can eventually lead to war; in interpersonal conflicts, it can lead to severed relationships and, at times, interpersonal violence. Constructive anger management, in contrast, de-escalates conflicts; it allows the offending party to understand that he or she has made a mistake and to take steps to remedy the situation. This can lead to improved outcomes and successful long-term relationships.