The Fishbowl Technique

Another trick for successfully managing anger is what Hankin calls the "fishbowl technique." Here you step back and away from an anger-provoking situation as it is going on and observe it as if you were watching fish from outside the fishbowl. Rather than reacting immediately and impulsively, step back and watch your own and your opponents' moves to see who is doing what and what the response to each statement is. This allows you to plan a response that is likely to be most effective for you, while doing as little damage to the relationship as possible.

Conflict theorist William Ury (1991) makes a similar suggestion: "Go to the balcony," he says, whenever you get angry. Step away and assess what is happening, why it is happening, and what you can do to turn the process your way. This is opposite to our normal tendency, Ury points out, which is to strike back, give in, or leave. Yet none of these responses is as likely to get us what we need as a calm and rational approach, which is possible to implement if we "go to the balcony" or use the fishbowl technique to calm down and plan a constructive response.